Questions to Deborah
1. How can I find time to read the Bible as a wife and Mom of little ones?
Today, whether you are married with kids or just have a busy schedule with many responsibilities, reading the Word can be challenging. First, make it a priority to have study time with prayer and think about how to apply what you learn. Next, consider reading verses about the importance of the Scripture, like Heb. 4:12, II Tim. 2:15, I Thess. 2:13, and Rom. 10:17. Put it to prayer to begin this new habit, allowing God to work the doctrine within you by the Spirit and think about how to put it into practice. As you pray, remember: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.” (Colossians 3:23)
When you are ready, assess your day and what works best for you, mornings, evenings, or during the day. It may work best to make study time early in the morning before the distractions of the day envelop you into the affairs of this life. When I homeschooled young ones, I got up before my family to find quiet, uninterrupted time. I ended up being able to have personal time, but also self-care (like exercising), straightening, cleaning, and organizing school with minimal distractions.
2. How can I encourage my spouse to read and study the Word with me?
In my experience this can be done best by example, setting quiet time for yourself with God first. Periodically, share what you’re reading, ask him a question to gain insight into his thinking, which provides opportunity for him to function as your spiritual head: “… the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (I Cor. 11:3) Difficult or too many questions can intimidate, therefore in love, make them reasonable for him to know or find out. He can study it, ask a friend, or consult a teacher or resource. This can motivate and encourage him to see that you need him in this role. Slowly over time, tell him how you feel, being gentle without pressure. Relay that you would joy to study with him as you appreciate his insights and spending time with him.
Sometimes beginning a new habit can be hard, so be careful with expectations. Begin with once a month for a short time, 5–15-minute sessions to see how it goes. Expand or reduce it as needed. Be sure not to talk too much or take the role of his teacher or corrector. Start by reading together and discussing passages. In time you may want to add prayer. Enjoy the process. His perception of it as pleasurable rather than pressure will affect the outcome. Pray for grace. Prepare yourself as this may be a long process before having consistent time together. Be genuinely thankful for every positive effort, but also be in regular prayer for him and yourself. Purpose to have a love attitude in grace to avoid legalism.
3. I have a hard time keeping my house clean. Any suggestions?
a) Re-eval: As an older Mom homeschooling two young ones, I recall being challenged in this area, especially with a history of wanting everything just so, being hyper-clean. My expectations definitely changed. I had to let many things go and accept my new situation. Be sure to do this, re-evaluating regularly.
b) Schedule and pair tasks with your routine: Initially, take 3-5 minutes to tidy-up key rooms or zones. Start with one area, then two, and the rest. Personalize this idea to meet your needs: Bedroom: Once you get up, make the bed, replace pillows, pick up dirty clothes, etc. Bathroom: Get up, use the facilities, then wipe the counters, sink, mirror, and toilet before you leave the room. Kitchen: Make your tea or coffee, and while it’s brewing, wipe the counters, sink, and clean or put away dishes. Family Room: Once you finish your Bible-Prayer time, straighten the living area: pillows, papers, toys, etc.
c) Set regular days at a set time, associated with another activity, to do a deep clean various parts of the house. i.e. Have your kids work with you, like Sunday assign the kids to strip the beds and put it in the washer as soon as they get up. After Church do the laundry. Monday after lunch, thoroughly clean bathrooms; have the kids clean the sinks. Wednesdays after breakfast do a thorough cleaning of the kitchen. Involve the children to develop a chart with pictures for weekly jobs that will teach but also help you keep the home clean. Reinforce good work.
4. What are some self-care suggestions for a very busy wife who works?
As a coach, I have observed how hard it is to do self-care; it is often seen as selfish and self-indulgent. However, God highly values each of us, dying in our place to pay for all sin. We are instructed, “That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour. (I Thess. 4:4) If you are over-tired, depleted of resources, not having time in the Word nor communion with the Father, what will the quality of your attitude, work, and interactions look like? They will be significantly off from your best.
Your biggest ministry is your immediate family and all our labor is to be unto the Lord: “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” (Col. 3:17) Make time each morning to address your spiritual needs: reflect on the day, how you’re doing, pray, and read His Word. We also have physical needs, like rest, exercise, time alone with our husbands and friends or away to get a break. Plan these into your schedule, asking your husband for help.