Do you ever find yourself in difficult situations and you’re not sure what to do? Here’s a phenomenal question to ask yourself:
What Would Love Do?
On Sundays, we’ve been going through Ephesians verse-by-verse (more like word-by-word - LOL), and we recently covered the principles of Biblical Headship.
Consider Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
Back in the early 90s, I was attending adult Sunday School class at our grace church. One of the men was trying to exegete this passage and he had a question no one could answer – “Why does God tell husbands to love their wives?” This actually stumped everyone. Is God saying this to men because men somehow have trouble loving their wives? (I’m sure someone out there is going, “It depends on who you’re married to.” LOL)
But, you know, this questions stuck with me for years.
Why DOES God tell husbands to love their wives?
I’d suggest the answer is simple. Paul’s giving the definition of headship. This is what headship IS. This is what headship DOES. This is what headship LOOKS LIKE. All of Biblical spiritual headship in a family can be summed up by this one principle – husbands love your wives. Just as the law can be summed up in this one principle – love God with all your heart and all your soul and love your neighbor as yourself, so too, headship hangs off this one principle of love – husbands, love your wives. Everything about headship flows out of that principle. Paul is defining for men what is the guiding principle of headship in a family.
The Head must love his wife because that’s how Christ operates as Head.
This is what is means to be the head of a family. God requires in his families loving, spiritual leadership that begins with you loving your wife no matter what. Verse 23 establishes the husband’s position. Now verse 25 begins defining the character of that position. You have a responsibility for loving selfless service. Love is the supreme guiding principle behind all spiritual leadership. You are consistently loving and acting with love toward your wife.
So when you, as a husband, aren’t sure what to do, ask yourself this question:
What would love do?
Essentially, you are asking yourself, “How do I apply the attributes of charity in 1 Cor. 13 in how I love my wife and how I live my life?”
Consider 1 Cor. 13:4 – “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up…”
First, charity suffereth long - Love willingly endures pain, insults, ignorance, and injury because it has the good of the other person in view. Longsuffering is strategic: it patiently desires salvation, growth, and good for others, though longsuffering doesn’t have to continue forever.
Is kind — Kindness is more than doing something nice; it is a disposition of heart that is predisposed to do good for others. Love thinks about others, seeks their good, and responds with tenderness and kindness—even toward enemies.
Charity envieth not — Love is never threatened or disgruntled by another person’s success, or happiness, talents, or spiritual maturity. Instead of resenting that’s person’s qualities, love genuinely rejoices to see others prosper.
Charity vaunteth not itself — Love does not brag, promote itself, or put itself on a pedestal because genuine love is directed outward rather than obsessed with self. We can rejoice in who God has made us in Christ without becoming self-exalting, because the new man never brags.
Is not puffed up — Love never looks down upon others with arrogance or condescension. Understanding how undeserving we were and how extraordinarily gracious God has been to us produces gratitude and humility rather than pride.
Now consider 1 Cor. 13:5 – “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.”
Doth not behave itself unseemly — Love does not act rudely, offensively, insincerely, or out of character. It conducts itself with graciousness, sincerity, modesty, good manners, and meekness—strength under control.
Seeketh not her own — True love is fundamentally unselfish: you look beyond your own welfare to the comfort, salvation, and edification of others. Love expresses itself through devotion to the good of others rather than constantly asking what benefits itself.
Is not easily provoked — Love is slow to anger because longsuffering, kindness, humility, forgiveness, and selflessness naturally restrain anger. When provoked, love’s instinct should be toward extending more love rather than retaliating in bitterness.
Now consider 1 Cor. 13:6 – “Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.”
Rejoiceth not in iniquity — Love never celebrates sin or takes pleasure in watching others participate in it. Because love seeks another person’s good, it cannot rejoice in that which harms them and dishonors God.
Rejoiceth in the truth — Truth makes love rejoice. Love delights in Scripture, fellowship, spiritual growth, and seeing others walk in the truth because everything true and good is naturally cause for love to celebrate.
Consider 1 Cor. 13:7 – “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
Beareth all things — Love is a natural God-given inner strength that is capable of carrying tremendous burdens because its strength comes from the life of Christ within us. A strengthened inner man can continue loving despite the wounds, pressures, weakness, and trials by keeping his attention upon the good of others.
Believeth all things — This does not mean love is gullible and believes everything it hears. Love is always ready to embrace the truth, especially the truth of God’s Word. Love possesses a fundamental love of the truth rather than resistance to it.
Hopeth all things — Love always has reason for hope: it is hopeful for the restoration and growth of believers and the salvation of unbelievers. At the same time, its hope rests confidently upon the promises of God.
Endureth all things — Love does not merely survive suffering; it maintains its character and consistency throughout all suffering. Circumstances may be terrible, but love keeps loving with the same power all the way to the end, as perfectly exemplified by Christ.
And, finally, consider 1 Cor. 13:8 – “Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.”
Charity never faileth — Love ultimately cannot fall powerless or come to an end because
God is love, and God Himself is eternal and unchanging. Faith will become sight and hope will be realized, but love will remain forever; our eternal existence will be an existence abiding in His love.
So how do all of these principles of agape charity — or love — apply to the husband in a marriage? It means that when God tells a husband to love his wife, He is calling that man to bring all of these attribute and principles of charity into his marriage.
This is where we begin to see what biblical headship really looks like. A husband’s leadership in the home is not a license to exercise authority for his own benefit. It is an obligation to sacrifice himself for the benefit of his wife. The standard isn’t what you see around you. The standard isn’t what your father did. Or what you’ve seen on TV. The standard is Christ Himself. And the defining expression of Christ’s love for the church was that He gave Himself for it. He sanctifies it. He nurtures it. He gives Himself over to it. He sacrifices for it. He cares for it. He helps the body be heathy.
So if you’re speaking to your spouse and you’re frustrated, ask yourself -
What would love do?
If you’re wondering, “How do I deal with this brother in Christ who’s disappointed me?” ask yourself -
What would love do?
If your wife or family member needs your time and you’d rather not be bothered, ask yourself -
What would love do?
Sometimes the grace life really can be brought down to one simple question:
What would love do?
[For more check out our podcasts, grace songs, and exegetical preaching. PTL!]